I'm not sure why- it's not as though I'm not used to being in new places- but while I sat in the restaurant at the information center across from the train station in Amsterdam, drinking my espresso, I was overcome by a feeling of apprehension. I had no idea where to go or what to do. I wished to be somewhere familiar. I sat and pondered the map and flipped through my book to find somewhere to go and finally, after an hour or so of surrendering to the feeling of being utterly daunted in a foreign place, I simply said "screw it" and left.
I walked down past the train station toward the canals and turned left after the second or third bridge following the water to the city's center. The street by the canals are breathtaking. The water flows deep blue, not brown like the Rhône in Lyon. There I found people in boats cruising up and down the water: groups of friends- blonde, tan, and laughing with drinks, music, and money. I wished for a minute to be like them as I looked down at my dirty, blistered feet and tearing clothes.
"Love yourself, keep walking." And so I kept walking.
Somewhere along the way that day I rediscovered my confidence, but those hours without it were a humbling reminder that I'm a person stuck to the side of a planet hurtling through space and I have no idea what I'm doing... And somehow that's okay.
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